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When It's Time to Walk Away

Sadly, I have had a parting of the ways with my DH's mother and although it wasn't totally unexpected it did come as a bit of a shock because of the way it happened. This is not going to be a moan about mother-in-laws but I did want to share it with you as I'm sure I'm not the only one who has gone through this and I wanted to let you know that sometimes it's better just to walk away from it all.

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To give you a bit of the background, this lady can't let go of the past and finds it very difficult to live in the present. In all the years I have known her she has never been really happy about anything and in particular, her children's choice of partners. None of us are or ever will be good enough for her children and I quickly realised that if she was talking to me about the others then she was talking to them about me in the same way. When she comes to stay she is critical of everything I do around the house, the way I do things in general, my views and opinions on anything and everything and my job however, for the sake of my DH and also because she is a guest in our house, I usually just let it go and quietly look forward to the day she goes back home.

On this occasion though she was staying originally for a week and then somehow it turned into a fortnight. As my DH was working I had to entertain her and, for two weeks, I took her on days out, took her shopping, treated her to lunch, made her endless cups of tea and coffee, planned and cooked meals and listened to her complain about everything under the sun but, on the whole, we actually got on really well and surprisingly, I enjoyed her company. That was until the day she was leaving - fifteen minutes before she was due to leave in fact. Clearly things hadn't gone quite as well as I thought they had because, completely out of the blue, she came out with a comment about me that was so hurtful it left me speechless which is no mean feat. I'm not going to go into the comment as that's not the point of this post but it upset me greatly. I didn't argue with her but I was very upset and could barely even say goodbye.

And so I have decided that it is time to walk away from  her.

It's important to surround yourself with positive, like-minded people. Negative people are very good at draining positive energy. They are very tiring to be around and they also tend to be very needy. I find it difficult to cope with people like this especially when they are not prepared to make any effort whatsoever to change their way of thinking no matter what you say. It's almost as if they enjoy being miserable and unhappy and are at their happiest when they know that they are making others equally miserable and unhappy. In a previous post, Collecting Monkeys, I talked about refusing to accept other people's problems and that's what I've now decided to do. Although I don't give up on things easily, after years of making a huge effort to be to be the perfect daughter-in-law I now realise that in her eyes, that will never be.

To begin with I was angry and upset but now I'm just sad; sad that I have had to make this decision and sad for her because she is such an unhappy person. I also feel sorry for my DH as he is caught in the middle but life is too short to continuously have to make an effort to achieve something unachievable. I believe she has always been like this so I guess she's not going to change now. Maybe I'm making the wrong decision. Perhaps I should rise above it but the comment that she made wasn't something that came into her head on the spur of the moment - it was something she had clearly been thinking for a long time. 

Anyway, I just wanted to share this with you all. As I said before I'm sure I'm not the only one who has gone through something like this whether it's with a friend, acquaintance, or family member. It's always reassuring to know that there are others in the same situation as you. It is sad when you make the decision to walk away from someone but sometimes it's for the best.

Until the next time,

Denise x

Comments

WellPlannedLife said…
This sounds very much like my grandmother - not exactly the same, but pretty darn close. She was (most times) unhappy and lonely, so we always chalked up her saying rude things to that. It doesn't make it easier, but at the very least *somewhat* understandable.
I'm sorry you had to deal with this situation. I hope you can put it behind you and move on without it hurting you too much. *Hugs*
Denise said…
Hi Kanalt, thank you so much for your kind words.
I think you are absolutely right. She is unhappy and lonely and probably worried that she will 'lose' her family in some way but sadly, no matter what we all do, she is not prepared to change and so the only thing I can do is put it behind me and get on with life.
Thanks again.

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