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Right or Wrong?

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Today I'm going to be writing about something a bit controversial and I would really like to hear your thoughts and opinions on it.

One of my friends was on the phone earlier and I could tell that she was upset about something. Eventually it came out that she had had a row with her husband. I previously knew there was a (what I thought was a small) problem but I hadn't realised it had become so serious. For obvious reasons I'm not going to mention her name and I'm not going to mention what the problem is but it's something that's very important to her but not so important to her husband.

So, to cut a long story short, there's something that she wants that would make her life much easier and much smoother - her husband doesn't see it that way and has point blank said no. No compromises, no discussion. No! (For anyone wondering, this has nothing to do with babies). They have been married for several years, have no children, both have good jobs and certainly no money issues. To a lot of people the problem may seem trivial but it means a lot to my friend and the situation between her and her husband has reached stalemate and so it turns out that last night she issued him with an ultimatum - he backs down or she moves out. She has, apparently, given him a few months in case he changes his mind but after a certain date- she's off! I'm hoping she's not serious and it will all blow over but part of me thinks she might mean it.

What I wanted to ask you all today is - do you think she's right? Is it ever right to issue your partner/spouse with an ultimatum? If you were in a similar situation, what would you do?

My advice would be to discuss it and try to find a compromise but what if the other party refuses to discuss it? What if you get two strong-willed people who both blatantly refuse to back down? Is it right for him to simply say no and expect her to just accept it but on the other hand does she have the right to force him to do something he doesn't want to do by 'threatening' him? It's a difficult one!

Looking forward to reading your responses.

Until the next time,

Denise x

Comments

This is very difficult. However without more information it is impossible to come to a decision as to who is less right or more wrong :-(
I hope they can settle things!
Denise said…
CP - It is very difficult. To me the whole thing (on both sides) seems a bit extreme. I'm sure they could come to some sort of agreement however I think it's now just a battle of wills. Fingers crossed that one will eventually back down.
WellPlannedLife said…
Wow, this is quite a dilemma. I agree with CP that it's difficult to say entirely, without knowing the full situation, not to mention that even if I did have all the information, I could never "choose sides" (at least out loud).

However, given what we do know, my opinion is this: her feeling so strongly about it that she's willing to give an ultimatum speaks volumes about how important this issue is to her. I'm sure it's very upsetting to her that her husband won't even discuss it. But my question is this: has she put it in those terms to her husband? Sometimes one needs to spell out exactly what he or she means. Her giving this ultimatum might make him think she's doing it out of spite rather than passion, and as such, he might not be willing to back down just because of her "reaction." Perhaps it needs to be stated, "This is very important to me for this reason and we need to discuss it." I'm not saying that the outcome will be different, but it might shed a different light on the situation.

For myself, I don't think I could give any ultimatums, only stress how important a situation is to me. But I can't think of any situation that would be more important to me than the relationship with my husband, so it's difficult for me to say. I'd like to think that my husband would be willing to listen and discuss anything that I feel so strongly about.

I hope your friends can work it out!
Denise said…
Kanalt - great comment and I think you could be right. Maybe she hasn't made it clear to him why this is so important to her and I will be suggesting this to her if this situation goes on for much longer. She is quite hot-headed and I also wonder if he thinks that this is just another example of her being stubborn.

Like you, I can't think of anything that would cause me to do this either and I'm sure my DH would be prepared to at least listen however, it makes me wonder if the problem actually goes deeper than this with my friends but this has brought it to the surface. (I'm not saying anything here that I wouldn't say to either of them).

Thanks for commenting and I shall be keeping my fingers crossed for them.

I'll keep you posted.

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